I've been struggling a bit inside about the official release of my first collection, 'Drowning'. I've been playing this game with myself that has quite frankly, left me exhausted. I seem to think that I need to be this person to my Instagram community that I somehow lost sight of the point that I am a woman going after her dreams and however I choose to release this collection is fine, because it.is.me.
I had a lovely chat with Reisa Young (@paperrr.cut) over the last couple of days about this release and she was nothing but inspirational. She has just released her fist collection entitled, 'Dancing In My Tears' and to watch her flourish online filled me with so much happiness. I realized that seeing someone else happy makes me happy and that mentality is what I always want to embody. I want to surround myself with those that find joy in others. Reisa, I'm so proud of you and thank you for filling me with so much knowledge.
My personal copies of my poetry collection, (eeee, so surreal to write that) arrived yesterday. I was so stoked to see them and actually have them in my possession. I took so many pictures of the entire process from opening the box to packaging orders, that I don't think it hit me - I was an author. My childhood dream is here. How crazy is that!? As I look back on yesterday, I see a little girl making sure life is embraced for the good that comes from hard work and emotions.
Today I met with two friends for a coffee at our favourite coffee spot here in town and my goodness what a beautiful day came along with this meeting of souls. I had orders packaged and ready to give to them, but I became scared. I sat in my car before joining them, and looked at the box sitting on the passenger seat, and left it there. Weird, but I knew deep down I was still scared. This was becoming all too real for me and it made me feel overwhelmed with so many emotions because I was about to release my hearts pain to the world. Was I ready? In that moment, no.
So we met and chatted about all the good and not so good things going on in our lives, laughed and almost cried many times. It was soul cleansing. Then this happened...
"Where are your books? Did you bring them for us, we're so excited for you!"
I was immediately filled with this wave of shyness. I became bashful, void of words, and childlike. What was happening to me? ugh. But, I put on my big girl pants, walked to the car and took some breaths of air and came back to a conversation filled with happiness because they were so happy! I then became happy. They sat there picking out poems they loved, reciting them out loud and sending love my way in waves of happiness. I was once again overwhelmed but I embraced it without crying once, lol. Anyone who knows me, knows, I am a sap.
After leaving my friends, I felt brave... I felt like today was mine for the taking and so I did. I took another step in my poetry journey, but not yet friends... this is for another day.
I can't wait to share everything with you soon. Right now, I'm going to take a nap. This girl is filled with so much emotions that if I don't hit the bed, I'll cry all the way into tomorrow.